Category: Despair

My nature always makes me think ahead. What happens after…?

It doesn’t matter the situation, issue, or event. My mind always goes past the “what now” to the “what’s next.”

It’s just me. I think it points to my eternal optimism–that we WILL get past this. Life goes on and I plan to be a part of that.

But the question, “What’s next?” always leaves me with a gnawing sense of doom. Despair. Pessimism.

“What’s next?” leads to “What thing will come along that’s equally bad or even worse?”

And that’s where I am today. What’s worse than millions infected with a highly contagious and deadly virus (in our current situation–COVID-19)? An economy–indeed, a society–that is in literal shutdown? People in fear of human contact. Will we ever go outside again?

Will life ever be the same? And if it is, will it lead to yet another calamity like this one?

It’s almost like I’m so optimistic that we’ll make it through this (as a species) that we’ll have to endure yet another horrible yet finite situation, where death and destruction and financial ruin becomes a normal way of life.

Or perhaps, that’s always been the case?

Or just another reason to despair existence?

All my early life, I was afraid of MAD–Mutually Assured Destruction. Even before watching “War Games,” I feared we’d all be annihilated by nuclear missiles from the USSR.

At the same time, the Middle East was literally blowing up everyday, as was the United Kingdom. Seems that people just can’t get along.

Then, when Communism choked and the USSR, behind Gorbachev, “tore down that wall,” I felt a sense of calm.

Maybe peace on earth was real?

I found my best friend and married her. We wanted children. It seemed like we wouldn’t have to fear for their futures as much as we might have had to in the past.

Sure, they’re still going to get hurt. And get sick. And suffer setbacks. But in the late ’90s and very early 2000s, it seemed “safe.”

Or, at least, safer.

Then 9/11 happened. Then the Iraq War. Terrorism all throughout the Middle East. “Boots on the ground” and missiles in the air…for a seeming eternity. Still going, too. Through three different Presidents.

Then there was the “mortgage meltdown.” Financial lives turned upside down, overnight. Not a lot of people were spared.

Economic booms followed my massive busts. Over and over, the whipsaw doesn’t end.

Continued war. Never-ending wars. Longest wars in US history. But then again, when haven’t we been at war?

Now. This goddamned pandemic, worsened by an idiot running (more like ruining) the country.

The global economy has ground to a halt. Thousands are dead. More will die. Number of infections here in the US alone are doubling every few days. Deaths are mounting. New York City, New Orleans, and Florida are hotbeds for the virus.

As my grandfather would say of stupid people: Trump couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.

Not saying COVID-19 is Trump’s fault. But the inadequate, slow, and seemingly never-occurring response has been AWFUL.

Trump is an idiot. Yet his cult-followers will cheer him on until our collective demise. Just look at them: It’s still a hoax, it’s no worse than the flu, and it will pass in two weeks.

As if a fucking virus has a goddamned watch.

Forget literally shooting somebody on Fifth Avenue. Trump’s stupid zombie cult will follow him to their own graves.

He could kill a transvestite hooker in his bulletproof limo, come out with knife in hand, covered in splattered blood, and his goons would say “It deserved it.”

But this isn’t about Trump. Fuck him.

This is about the yin-yang between hope and despair. Right now, it’s all despair.

If we make it out of this (and many millions won’t), maybe there’s reason for hope? I mean, we always make it to the other side…but is it to face Heaven on Earth or Eternal Damnation?

That’s a question to ponder. And try to answer another day.